seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
