Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
