i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
