Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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