You can't motorboat a personality
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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