All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
