first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
