That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
