Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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