ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
