I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
