I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
