My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
