just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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