Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
