i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
