Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
