i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
