i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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