I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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