Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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