you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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