ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
one might say we're banned from that church
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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