We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
