So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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