I want to make a zoo with you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
