drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
