the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This gyro tastes like lonliness
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
