I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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