who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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