i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
