I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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