Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
