I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
