just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
