god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
