Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
