Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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