Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
