I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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