our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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