Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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