I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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