You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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