just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
