I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
