not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
