Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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