i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
