My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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