how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
